When 'to give up'  is the only choice you have, dont hesitate to turn yourself away.
The chance you are going to be given up is not the only one. I know when certain people say, "opportunity doesnt come twice" means something and I have proven that.

I know I speak for myself when I said that. And when I say, "I will turn myself away from this unpleasant obstacle in front of my eyes because it keeps me awake day and night to wonder will I ever successfully get through it or not." And no, I dont teach myself to give up so easily. I solely justify it as, 'not worth my time, energy and money'

So, in this moment I'd like to let myself believe that I am not going to waste my time wondering stupid things that might happen or not. Even though I regret all those seconds I have spent obsessing about uncertain things, I will always keep that in mind that those wasted times have taught me a valuable lesson, which is: dont waste your time.

Well, I am about to turn myself away from uncertainty that keeps haunting me day and night. I am about to. I know I will. I am sure I can. Yes. For sure I will accomplish it. It is just the matter of time.

And Karina never fails to make herself happy in her own way, in this case: to turn herself away from the torturing uncertainties. She deserves to be free and to go with wherever the wind blows.

I Am An Animal, and You Are My Cage

I am just an animal of my own lust.

I fill the emptiness with the sacred water that hurts my knees
I wash my feet with my wasted blood
I tear my vision for an empty bottle
I mock myself with my own dignity
It's true, I am an animal

You talk to me like it is all sins I have to seize
You talk to me like I am not gonna drown in this flood
You talk to me like it is all gonna make me more subtle
You talk to me like I am gonna find our infinity
It's you, you make me an animal

I am rampaging as my tummy gets hurt by your blunt words
I worship your kindness as my kind of gratitude to be yours
I may just be a mop to clean the dirt in your kitchen
And you, baby, you are my everything in the poem I have written

Aku Benci Bulan Seutuhnya

Karena malam tidak akan pernah menyaksikan keramahan matahari yang mencium kepala ku dengan hangat. Matahari membiarkan aku meletakkan segala dustaku akan semesta yang menjerit-jerit kesakitan. Semalam aku berkata pada bulan untuk selalu bersamaku saat angin timur menyapa, namun bulan mengatakan bahwa hal tersebut adalah hal yang mustahil. Karena aku adalah pendusta semesta. Ya, dengan cara itu Tuhan mengingatkan aku bahwa hanya matahari yang masih mencintaiku hingga tulang rusukku.

Dengan tatapan penuh racun asam, aku luapkan kekecewaanku pada bulan yang tetap tersenyum diatas temaramku. Aku berharap malam ini hanyalah langit jelaga. Biarlah bulan itu enyah tanpa percikan cahayanya. Karena benciku tak semain-main itu pada bulan. Aku ingin malam ini cepat-cepat enyah agar aku bisa bertemu cintaku; matahari. Wahai semesta, kenapa bulan menghampiriku malam ini? Kenapa kau biarkan ia menyakitiku diatas segala tumpukan dustamu padaku? 

Di atas tebing kerikil ini aku terduduk dengan tulang-tulang rapuhku sendiri. Aku mencubit ujung-ujung jariku agar aku tetap terjaga dengan kekecewaanku. Aku tahu, aku tidak akan membiarkan diriku tertidur dengan luka menganga di dada. Terbiarkanlah diriku ini menahan sakit, setidaknya aku tahu dalam hitungan jam aku akan merasa kebal. Ya, aku harap begitu. Tidak ada belas kasihan untuk diri bodohku hari ini. Kau makan saja perban itu, aku sudah membalut lukaku sendiri. Sendiri. Tanpa kamu, bulan.

Help Me to Unmute You

Why are you so political? You dont exactly say what you want to express. I am dumb for being irresponsible of your acts toward my feelings. I need your words desperately. Like I need eight glasses of water every day.

Why are you here now?

You mute yourself in front of my dying eyes. You are removing my sense of wanting your affection. Your smile is now killing my brain. You smile! You smile! You smile! Say a word, you idiot! I want your explanation, answer and your act. My God!

You hurt my present. My time is running out but you don't understand that. I am drowning in my pain right now. Waiting for you is torturing my knees while I want to fall on them. I really do, but it hurts.

My body hurts. My head, my shoulders, my belly, my thigh, my knees, my toe. But my chest is still alive. It is still in its perfect condition of being very fit. Can you believe that? After all you've done to hurt me?

My chest is still here.
My heart is still beating.
Normally.
Like it's never been hurt.

You know what does that mean? I fall for you. Every day. Still. Until the undecided time of this world.

To My Dearest 6 Years Red Smoke

As i am resilient to this unidentified sensation inside my burning body. I will not make any effort to get out of it. I am too relunctant to understand this uncertain notion Ive had since years ago. By way of expressing longing to each other, youre introducing me to this  weird way but  significantly nudging.

Thus, the unseen restraints weve made for each other do not stop us for mentioning the same particular secret divine wish we constantly make before we're lost by the end of our days. Even we do understand that we are the incurable pain in the ass for each other.

Well, dont get me wrong. I dont live off the expectance. I am there in the creation of happiness for myself where I know that faith is there but the arrangement is what always be the mystery. And I cant run anywhere to evade the misery.

I know you hate the idea of me being candor. You know that you do love the idea of leaving your thoughts and feelings as mysteries for me to solve. But I will always emerge like this.

And you always pull out the idea of being mean is what we need. Like a red smoke that always appears in my gloomy day and my horrible night. Like the one I always want to grab on but it's impossible. As you are so captivating this whole time. There you are keep moving dynamically begging to be chased. Thank you for making my heart chained into your Nitrous Oxide.

Meanwhile I am still figuring out whether youre a poison or my antidote.

But you are still beautiful for my dying soul.

Sincere Oblation

Beyond the dream youve created im the one youve been expected to stay, you said. I'm the wonder inside your old funny head, you said. I'm a cruelty as the rainbow has its time to disappear to break the joy of satisfaction. Yet, I pray to the goodness of God to enlighten the day of darkness you said I've created in your days of waste. So, I'm breaking a brick to hurt my fingers and bleed as love and its unlimited pain.

Next time if you see me naked, dont pursue your imagination to the top of discomfortness. I dont flirt to make you morose. I will let you swing to reach the cloudnine. As long as you dont hurt my knees till them bleed, I'd love to make you stick with my pain that favors. You own my sorrow and beatitude. Please set me free to roll over at the mud of the wilderness, for once.

I love you till my nerves bleed.

A Story of Her Life

I was lost in the garden of the past
then a butterfly came out of no where
She led me to escape the rain of pain
and dragged me out of the river of suffer
and now I am staring at the ocean of emotion
Preparing to drown in it

Well, it's an adventure anyway
Who knows I might find a bigger boat to conquer this mighty ocean
So let the time decide whether I am dying here or find a new island to settle down
I am more than a thrilled to rise in the east!

Here, I am no longer laying low
Not going with the flow
Look what I believe now
A cloud nine will visit me somehow