Well, if you right there reading my blog. This is implying as me still thinking of you......
Yes, it has been you.
You remember the first time we met, dont you? I know you always will. The first time you took me to your favorite place then it became ours and still do, the first time you drove me laughing hard, the first time you convinced me that I am beautiful, the first time you took my hand from covering my mouth when I was laughing then you said, "your smile is the nicest, no need to cover it." Or when the first time you drove me to unknown place in Jakarta, way too inland, I didnt even know that place, then you showed me how I should be grateful for my life. The first time you told me that you love me at Taman Situlembang, the happiest day of 2012. The first time I realized how well you could appreciate girl even in very worst part of her. The first time we took a long stroll all day talking about random thing and laughing for random reason. The first time you wrote me a very romantic love letter. The first time you span me around then made my feet left off the ground by toting me on your back. The first time we sang crazily in car. The first time we exchanged cd mix, and unexpectedly we got 4 same favorite songs in it. The first time you played guitar and sang 'I wont give up by Jason Mraz' for me. The first time we created 'Alexa and Oriega' nickname. The first time you pinched my cheek, it was like you pulled it up and til I let my head following your hand and one of our friend got us pictured. The first time you said you willed to stop smoking for me, and you do, they say youve stopped smoking entirely. All of those the above, every moment with you, I risk my every drop of tears to write it down here.
And yes, I am drowning in tears now.......
Youre such a pain killer. No...... You were a pain healer, you made me realizing how hurtful story about 3 and half years failed relationship of mine with someone else back in the past was nothing to regret. I felt clement to breathe with you.
I pretend not to know the song you sang for me. Every song. The most hurtful one? I tell you, I wont Give Up - Jason Mraz is now trending and my friend listened to it and shared it on Path. They play it almost every time in radio and I have to listen on the way home from school. Whilst ironically I have it in my iPod. And I said to my friends that Luke the Janoskians introduced the song to me. I honestly cry secretly every time I listen to it.
I tried to open my heart to another guy. But I cant. They were not as good as you................
I know my worst mistake is I still keep comparing them to you. Once again, They were not as good as you. I declare my self as a selfish-bastard. I want you only.
How I couldnt sing or talk freely with another guy. I couldnt sing crazily in car with them. I couldnt enjoy my time together with another guy. I felt so lonely in their company. Again, youre still the best. Even for our backstreet relationship.
How my tears suddenly melted when I read your formspring, I honestly curved a very deep smile in my face finding out that I'm still your most favorite girl when anonymous asked, "who's your favorite girl?" I CANT BELIEVE IT.
How my eyes burning red yesterday to re-open your last letter. I am now trying to type every word in it up. I guess here they are......
"Next day, I may not drive you anywhere again. I'll drive my own self, and I'll never find someone to replace your seat, cause its forever yours. I'll never listen to our songs again, cause they only belong to us. I'll never hug a girl like I hugged you, cause no one will ever fit in my arms. I'll never say 'I love you' like i said to you, cause I'll never have the same feeling like I do to you."
Its been a year since we broke up. You know, oriega? Alexa cant get over you still, and they say neither do you, and yes it even makes harder to get over you. God is only our different one. "Kamu selalu mendoakanku dalam genggamanmu, sementara aku mendoakanmu dalam sujudku." If we just had no difference about this, I was certainly sure we would be forever. Now, I barely cant breath. I bear all the pain just to re-memorize and celebrate our failed anniversary. Whilst, you obviously know, youre the deepest and sweetest wound ever exists in me. I still love you though. Hopefully, leaving Jakarta means leaving our memories too. Cause I've suffered such a deep wound in my whole body this whole time. Good bye there:')
I love you, always have and always will......
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