Help Me to Unmute You

Why are you so political? You dont exactly say what you want to express. I am dumb for being irresponsible of your acts toward my feelings. I need your words desperately. Like I need eight glasses of water every day.

Why are you here now?

You mute yourself in front of my dying eyes. You are removing my sense of wanting your affection. Your smile is now killing my brain. You smile! You smile! You smile! Say a word, you idiot! I want your explanation, answer and your act. My God!

You hurt my present. My time is running out but you don't understand that. I am drowning in my pain right now. Waiting for you is torturing my knees while I want to fall on them. I really do, but it hurts.

My body hurts. My head, my shoulders, my belly, my thigh, my knees, my toe. But my chest is still alive. It is still in its perfect condition of being very fit. Can you believe that? After all you've done to hurt me?

My chest is still here.
My heart is still beating.
Normally.
Like it's never been hurt.

You know what does that mean? I fall for you. Every day. Still. Until the undecided time of this world.

To My Dearest 6 Years Red Smoke

As i am resilient to this unidentified sensation inside my burning body. I will not make any effort to get out of it. I am too relunctant to understand this uncertain notion Ive had since years ago. By way of expressing longing to each other, youre introducing me to this  weird way but  significantly nudging.

Thus, the unseen restraints weve made for each other do not stop us for mentioning the same particular secret divine wish we constantly make before we're lost by the end of our days. Even we do understand that we are the incurable pain in the ass for each other.

Well, dont get me wrong. I dont live off the expectance. I am there in the creation of happiness for myself where I know that faith is there but the arrangement is what always be the mystery. And I cant run anywhere to evade the misery.

I know you hate the idea of me being candor. You know that you do love the idea of leaving your thoughts and feelings as mysteries for me to solve. But I will always emerge like this.

And you always pull out the idea of being mean is what we need. Like a red smoke that always appears in my gloomy day and my horrible night. Like the one I always want to grab on but it's impossible. As you are so captivating this whole time. There you are keep moving dynamically begging to be chased. Thank you for making my heart chained into your Nitrous Oxide.

Meanwhile I am still figuring out whether youre a poison or my antidote.

But you are still beautiful for my dying soul.

Sincere Oblation

Beyond the dream youve created im the one youve been expected to stay, you said. I'm the wonder inside your old funny head, you said. I'm a cruelty as the rainbow has its time to disappear to break the joy of satisfaction. Yet, I pray to the goodness of God to enlighten the day of darkness you said I've created in your days of waste. So, I'm breaking a brick to hurt my fingers and bleed as love and its unlimited pain.

Next time if you see me naked, dont pursue your imagination to the top of discomfortness. I dont flirt to make you morose. I will let you swing to reach the cloudnine. As long as you dont hurt my knees till them bleed, I'd love to make you stick with my pain that favors. You own my sorrow and beatitude. Please set me free to roll over at the mud of the wilderness, for once.

I love you till my nerves bleed.

A Story of Her Life

I was lost in the garden of the past
then a butterfly came out of no where
She led me to escape the rain of pain
and dragged me out of the river of suffer
and now I am staring at the ocean of emotion
Preparing to drown in it

Well, it's an adventure anyway
Who knows I might find a bigger boat to conquer this mighty ocean
So let the time decide whether I am dying here or find a new island to settle down
I am more than a thrilled to rise in the east!

Here, I am no longer laying low
Not going with the flow
Look what I believe now
A cloud nine will visit me somehow

lipsy cloudy

lipsy cloudy by karinadean featuring home wall decor

Kemarau di Tanah Semai

Aku berhadapan dengan murka ku sendiri. Sewujud dengan debur hujan yang menggerus batu kali. Sekeras aku memukul kaca dengan instrumen kayu. Apalah yang aku pertanyakan kali ini? Tak secuil pun senyum yang muncul untuk melawan murka. Untuk apa aku merajut dendam tak berkesudahan dengan ego yang lebih tajam daripada jarum? Untuk apa aku memanjakan amarah dengan sekelumit egosentris yang melekat dengan jiwaku? Dengan segenap ratapan bodoh berbau kelemahan tak menggubris jiwaku yang meronta - ronta, sungguh tak terarah. Aku merasa menjadi manusia dungu dengan segala ambisi negatif yang kini kian tak terkendali.

Jangan tatap mataku! Berani kau tatap mataku? Kuhantam batinmu dengan kesinisan prasangkaku!

Aku sedang tak bisa menjaga diriku, jadi janganlah usik aku dengan cerita bodohmu. Karena kali ini, keledai pun tidak lebih dungu daripada aku. Tetapi, percayalah pisau bermata dua pun tak kebih menyakitkan dari reaksi ku terhadap aksi mu.

Have Had It Enough

Since love is so hard, it's never been easy, it's never been right until you realize what you all see those times aren't savory

All you will find is struggle until the end

It's nice in the beginning, it's not really something in the end

The truth is whenever you realize it doesn't go as you plan, all you need to do is step away and never come back

I never asked to be found,because I wanna find the rightest one while I think it's better to find love than murder one

Men is all that with what they named virility, you asked them they killed you, you doubted them they would hurt you

It's never been dead like you cause to smile on your face, they just don't swallow the bitter ones

It is what you call darling, baby, honey, sweetheart, but it never sweetens your heart thoroughly 

Because the one you thought you came for wasn't everything they would make some effort to be about

It's all your choice to give up or be given up

Or you might take a step to invigorate?

You've had it already anyway.....